-Blissful epochs and foreboding apocalypses of a soul’s wayward journey to erudition-

2005-09-04T08:03:00.000-07:00

with the cute energy player of the game :)

with the forever hotness :)

with the ever-illustrious coach :)

with the cute energy player of the game :)

with the just-turned-19-the-day-before boy :)

with the eye-filling ryan arana :) *kainis against the light =s*

ALMOST FINIS

2005-07-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

i will not be writing in this blog as frequently as i used to have done, but i'll still write here anyway. my profuse thanks to those people who killed the time through reading my blog. sooo... not really my toodle-oo but until next time. ciao :)

i have a new one and here's the link:
http://dadsbiasis.blogspot.com

by the way, my motime blog's considered defunct already so don't bother going there anymore.

Chenkuye :)

a month and a half of solitude

2005-07-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

it's been 6 weeks since i saw him in his yellow shirt and havaianas sitting beside his dad and smiling a real lot. why is this happening? ah well. if that's the way it's supposed to be then i probably can't do anything about it. the only thing that i can do is WAIT. alternative choices unfortunately do not abound the situation right now. it's not in my freaking hands to choose and all that crapola. however, i am patient and waiting could be such a challenge overflowing with apprehension. i have to deal with it.. or i end up in a harrowing shatter.

oh my god sasa is such a life-saver. if it wasn't for her, my life could have ended faster than anyone expected it to last. my parents could really kill me if ever my alleged irresponsibility would reach their awareness. it totally got off my head that the deadline of the P500 fee for the ACET application form is today and i didn't have a single cent in my wallet so i was like.. PANIC ATTACK!! i was so freakin' worried my mouth went completely dry and i was so stupefied. then there came the super sasa who got me off the attack by saying, "may 500 ako ngayon, gusto mo bayaran mo nalang ako?". the very second after she made that offer the surrounding became rainbow colored which minutes ago was a galling black and white. i, of course took the offer without any doubt and so there. my life was spared. that afternoon when i got home, i asked my mother for 500 bucks (naturally, mother's inquiries about my asking her that amount sought my answers so eventually i had the success of explaining everything to her. even the "sasa situation".) then when she gave me the money i went straight ahead to sasa's house which luckily, is just a happy walking-distance from my house. cool huh? when i got there, it's like nobody was home so after about 5 minutes of waiting for someone to get the 500 bucks from my money-smelling hand, i walked back to my home sweet home.. still holding the money. then sasa texted yadda yadda and we agreed that i would pay her on monday. hayyy ACET.

i just finished dinner and i ate alone so my chomping was like.. unpredictable. you'll never know when it'd end and i definitely took the chance to do that 'cause being controlled when eating is unbearable. you keep staring at the rice just so it would fly to you and so you could eat more but you realize you're no Matilda so you end up almost crying in your chair and bearing the pain of not eating the way you want to eat. as for me, that was not my case a few minutes ago.. my mom, my 2 sisters, my brother and my tita's family left for Batangas late this afternoon and i was supposed go with them but time didn't allow it so i would be set for tomorrow with my dad and my other remaining sister. we're going to leave early in the morning then on sunday, the 7 of us will all go home together. mmm.. i was such a swine awhile ago. i ate almost all the rice in the bowl and i was drinking Pepsi directly from the bottle. ah. my animal nature is predominating my human nature. tsk. well i did realize something. i eat without a sound. something that's unlike from the piggy portrait. haha.

i love my batch!!! i don't know what i'll do when all of us will go on our separate ways already :( thank God i didn't miss the socialization we had awhile ago. i was supposed to be on a half-day because of my family's Batangas trip but it's such a blessing my tita has big luggages blah blah. so there the socialization was a BLAAAAAST. the most fun the batch has ever had. the presentation was rocking every minute. they danced the Field Demo(s) we did that counted back since we were Prep-A until we were Grade 6. it was utterly funny but hey, it was sooo mofo-ing touching. every strand of hair on my skin was standing. we also sang the graduation song that we had back when we were in Grade 6. i was holding back my tears. i didn't think crying at that moment would be too appropriate. NOT YET. Batch 2005-2006 can never ever be forgotten. besides, we are the first batch to have all the firsts. whatever that means. i love you, batchmates :)

STILL HERE.

he cannot bring me down. REALLY, he f-ing CAN'T.

2005-06-28T23:48:00.000-07:00

if *he thinks *he can bring me down just because i'm fucking better than *him then *he's so fucking wrong. as long as my sisters live, *he cannot possibly bring me down. i don't base my abilities on *his fucking comments and i don't care if *he thinks that i'm not even good. *his comprehension is sooo way out of my league. you are such a figurehead and my rancor for you is so fucking intense! deal with it: i am good and you're not.

+pardon all the cursing.

CRUZ and CASABLANCAS :) melt me now.

2005-06-26T06:52:00.001-07:00

BOOM

2005-06-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

i realized this crucial thought last thursday at about 7:30 or 8 in the morning while Ms. Osila was explaining something in class. it was unbelievable, but believe me: i am fully decided. it's a shame some people can't comprehend the idea of such disbelief, but really.. the question is WHY? anyhow, it doesn't matter to me at all. i just want to be a lawyer. it came to me so suddenly it was like... BOOM! taking up Legal Management in La Salle would be something grool. however, first things first. pass DLSU, dear.

i'm posting again and it's been more than a week since i did. i mean not counting my post yesterday. how much time do i have, anyway? i told you i'm not very proficient in managing my time. i study hard but yes, a slacker is still what i am. fourth year is rocking. as in rrrockiiing. it's so much different, and the entire difference is just so overwhelming that going to school isn't so bad after all. there's this condescending air which makes one so.. estimable and pretty. yes, pretty. no not pretty. beautifuuul. i'm lovin' this right now and i'm going to enjoy it while i still can. wooohoooo.

i miss you, Besprens =)

[hapeee burrrday!!]

2005-06-25T11:52:00.000-07:00

i just want to greet my dear father and my tita a happy happy birthday. that's all. oh by the way, when we went to Italianni's awhile ago to have dinner i won an instant jackpot of seeing a hot boi. muhahahaha.

waaaw. it's 25 today. nice. hey you, i love you sicko.

the whole kit and kaboodle.. the works! =)

2005-06-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

the night is so f-ing young. my sisters have gone to Fete de La Musique in El Pueblo and i'm left here to perform my never-ending soliloquy. i remember using that word in Physics class last thursday and Ms. Toli retorted it's just plain kabaliwan. it was so funny. gar, why can't i be such an expert in time management? like how bad do i treat time to make me miss blogging for 12 days? i mean it's not just about blogging, it's about e-ve-ree-thing. it's a phenomenal thing for me that people, especially my classmates, sleep at about 9pm when assignments are just so... swarmed. get this as well: with hours of using ym. is this a carrot-and-stick treatment for me 'cause time is always bronze to my senses? is it my fault that it's not gold? shut awp..? whatever. this is peevish. anyway, the first two weeks of school had been enormously congenial, though i must admit that my first communication exercise effused me with a torrent of an unassured aptness. it was an indescribable feeling of vexation, rue and maybe even envy. this sucks. i don't have to feel this way 'cause i'm a sole creation with a sole and cunning mind. anyhow, school is great 'cause the line up of teachers is great as well, and english has never been so fun since i was 2nd year. is that mean or is that mean? Holy's beyond unfussiness this year and maybe in the coming years too, 'cause ID's are now generated with code bars and the library is now equipped with a whole lot of techie stuff. it's amazing, you see. we are the first batch of senior students to experience all the sublime changes caused by the administration's whacking step forward. well, it's about time things in the school grounds become more than interesting. plus, the appearance of new faces on the horizon engages interest to nibby students so it's all... very divergent. however, i theorize that the computer laboratory is not the same without Sir Trogo. mehn, how eerie does it feel and look right now. in addition to that, i notice more mosquitoes lurking around. ngrrr. as for music.. ohoho. now that's what i call derangement. am i kidding? well, it's for chosen people to know and for you to find out. ngarrrrr. why on the shitting horse do i feel so torpid in this apathetic moment? i accomplished naught this day and believe me if i say naught 'cause it's really naught. zilch. i woke up at about 11:45 this morning so i took my lunch right after i got up and then after that, i read until i got hungry which was 4-5 hours later then tas called and we talked for 30 minutes and then i was back to reading and then dinner and then internet surfing for almost 3 hours and then.. now. i was supposed to sweep the floor 'cause the dirt's invasion is incessantly heightening and i am an obsessive compulsive person so that was practically beyond my tolerance. however, supine as i evidently was, i did not sweep the floor and i let the dirt rejoice over their unstoppable propagation. it has been tried and tested: weekends turn me to a complete lazy wretch.

this is for real: i am over with that dung. i'm never going back, and it's never going to come back - whatever that fcuked up feeling brought my ninnyhammered heart. i'm a schmuck for cretins, and maybe that's the anathema endowed to me by doom. i'm not going to think that one day everything will change and that donkey's going to turn his back from the girls he thought were precisely ideal to him because.. ahh whatever. this is entirely not me. my world does not revolve around buffoons. bad bad bad. i'm just saying: i'm not a fan of horses or donkeys for that matter. not anymore. *thanks to tita sharon.*

don't believe me if you don't want to, but i therefore conclude that i will activate my diligence the whole day tomorrow. i consider it questionable myself too, but i have no other alternatives because a lot is due on monday and i can't lally-lag anymore the way i just did for the past 11 hours because.. i want my parents to be mirthful for the 3rd fruit of their loins. i got to get something rewarding when i take the stage on march, but if i don't.. at least i know that i tried my best. (hackneyed my ass! haha!)

i want to be the unthinkable. why do i feel like a plain jane? metamorphose me, dear God. anyway, you've got to listen to Coldplay's X&Y. it is the epitome of supremacy, the par excellence of music. a whiz-banged skookum, slapping-up grade A and all wool and a yard wide blue-ribbon. Coldplay is rocking the billboard charts. every song is really good. really really good. Make Trade Fair!! :)

i, for some reasons still have a lot of things to chime in, it's just that i tend to forget some of them which makes me so annoyed for having a friggin' memory impairment. memory enhancers, anyone? anyway, the marvelous Besprens went out yesterday after school but hell, i didn't go because my fogyish parents think i go out too much already. darn. to think it's always just Coffee Beanery where we go and it's not too far compared to other hang-outs. how i miss all my Besprens as crazy as a loon. i didn't want to escape 'cause i honestly never do those kinds of teen-y and juvenile things. well, it seems like i still have to wait for our next gimmick which could be... the admu-dlsu game in the uaap! we're all so stirred up about it 'cause we aspire to be the Mentos Barkada of the game. haha! the night's procuring wrinkles already, so.. cheerio now. :)

*for tomorrow i surmise to view you with such longing, the stealth of our adoration carries my whole being.*

warm-up! warm-up!

2005-06-17T23:50:00.000-07:00

HI HI HI!!! i got to make this fast 'cause i don't have all the time i need to narrate everything that has happened since the first day of school. i just got off the phone with tasing and we talked about everythiiiiing. damn how i missed this blog. my brain is so dead. i terribly miss my one true love. i am crazy over a guy who's so... huwaaat?? i hanker after my Besprens. pota i miss you all sowmaaats!! i'm also broke right now if you want to know. my afternoon life is Full House and everything about it stupefies my weak weak heart. we have 4 quizzes on monday. ira cruz is daunting. my first english quiz is the most appalling shit in this world right now, but my second one is so rocking. i think IV-Pamayanan is cool. i love my apple green shades courtesy of danica :) love you, girl! i'm a certified ate already, but i have actually been for the past 10 years it's just that right now, i am sooo ATE. GMA stinks so she should step down before i make her step down. she's not too heavy too pull, right? i mean.. she's tiny.. and she has a mole. a big one. anyway, i'm just passin' by to check on my brain. i'll post tomorrow, aryt?

fuck youuuu!! you are not worthy of my time. tas is so right. you worthless piece of crap.

ira fever :x ohyeeeah.

2005-06-05T01:28:00.000-07:00

www.dadinedostoevsky.motime.com

chooozdei ezcapade + the truth i can never conceal

2005-06-02T01:26:00.000-07:00

wow. i have to cherish the few remaining days that i have of staying up this late. i'd probably miss these times and essential as i think it is, my insomnia should be staying incredibly far from where my apathetic subsistence reigns. so far, not really good. it has been on the same degree all summer. actually it became worse on the latter part of the season, but i figure that it's all going to pass when the school year opens, and i do wish it's just transient. anyway, i still haven't covered my books and notebooks yet and i'm feeling undeniably lazy to do it. i was supposed to do it yesterday but i went out.

yesterday i woke up at 11:00 in the morning with overflowing languor and if it wasn't for my 4-year old sister who kept bugging me to get up, i would still be in bed snoozing with every might my indolence could pour. i was in a state of total despondency, i didn't think i could still move my ass to do something. unbelievable. right after i got up i headed downstairs to have lunch with 2 of my sisters and my brother. i was definitely in no position to dawdle because my meeting with ri at mcdo tandang sora was set at 1pm, and i could take a lot of time dressing up, so i finished my lunch as fast as i could (luckily without choking) and ran up to the bathroom to of course, take a bath. it was about 11:40 then, and i was hardly a step away from vertigo. i finished at 12:10 so i was practically in a total haste. 50 minutes wasn't enough, i still had to dry my hair and i had no idea what to wear. so i asked myself.. what do people wear on wakes? black? white? gar. as long as it wasn't something so striking and bright, i thought it would do just fine. i ended wearing something dark.. with a print that's color pink. it wasn't that bad, really. at exactly 1pm, i was sitting on a chair inside mcdo tandang sora and i was proud of myself. promptness was never my game, and for the first time, i got to play it! hah! i texted ri that i was there already (damn i tell you, i was sooo freakin' proud of myself) but i think it was payback time for me so i received a reply from her saying that she was still in Royal Place having an x-ray. the waiting wasn't that bad 'cause i was predictable enough to bring something that would keep me busy. tadaaan!!! a book it is. ri arrived at 1:30 with an apologetic face but it really wasn't a big deal to me so it was all cool :) i was just a little worried that if we do not make it in time to Loyola we would probably miss the mass... and so we did. we rode the taxi from Mcdo to the Quezon Ave. MRT station and ri paid for it. (thanx, bespren!) the MRT trip was a blast because strange as it seems, we were always laughing and checking out hotties in the train. the pursuit wasn't that successful, we only saw one and he was an adult. he looked like he was looking for a job. we saw someone like Dao Ming Si too, it was hilarious. from the Guadalupe MRT Station where we had an elevator joy ride, we walked our way to the Loyola building with an incredulous existence of the irksome pollution. ay nako ang mga bus sa Pinas. anyway missing the mass wasn't that bad because at least we got there and we got to see Ms. Pineda and we did pray for her. besides, we got to witness the eulogy part so it was all right too. it ended at about 3:30pm and we left there with alex and lal. the two got off the train when it reached Cubao 'cause they wanted to go to gateway. we of course got off at the Quezon Ave. MRT station at 4:10pm then we took another taxi (wherein ri paid for it again!) so we could go straight to Coffee Beanery to meet with our Besprens. tasing, tita sheryll and tasing's granma were the only people when we got there, and no sooner than we expected, 5 of the boys came (ej, vince, wil, rian and robbie). the turnout was close to completion, the besprens who weren't there were kate and patsy. plus the Besprens was robbie so we were 11 all in all that time. it was great being with them once again especially now that the great Miguel has made a come-back with unusually round cheeks. hahaha joke lang, moral. you're still the implacable soccer boy of the group. my sister picked me up at 6:30 i think (which was a little early, by the way) because she picked up my brother from taekwondo, so i was next in line for "pick-up" - which was also a mandate from my mom and ate rinne herself so it was basically a mandatory thing for me to do to come home with them. ate tin was next in line so after picking her up at the Quezon Ave. MRT station, we finally went home to the arms of our dear mother.

i do. that's it - i just do. the most inane thing to do right now is to deny, so now i admit it. I DO.

goomorning, world.

we all got a short week ahead. really.

2005-05-30T00:50:00.000-07:00

it's practically just one week before we all go back to being monstrous eye-bagged creatures. i haven't covered my books and notebooks yet, and in a whole lot of ka-bullshitan i will be the one truly in-charge to that task which in reality, defies me. seriously. i have never covered my own books and notebooks. my sisters always do it for me, and now i realized. covering is a hoard of challenge. i want my last school year in Holy to be added with a surplus of special. i (yes, i) will cover my books and notebooks first with wrappers then for the 2nd part, plastic covers. i know plastic covers are not under the school propriety. well, to hell with that. i've used plastic covers since i was Prep-A yet no one bothered to tell me i was damaging mother nature or mother earth. whatever, they're all mothers. so bull. i know, right? haha. anyway, before all the other issues about my highly slothful living, i would first like to say that..

*may Ms. Mabel Pineda find her peace with God for eternity. the news hit me like lightning. she was too young and too beautiful to die. i wish her sons betterment and fast recovery from her loss. i wish her sons good health and a person filled with benevolence to take care and look out for them. my behavior in her classes was abominable. i wish she forgives me because although i found her subject trampling in frivolity, she did a job well done. she did try her best, right? those 3 years we spent with her went remarkable in an inconspicuous manner. we got to admit, we had fun singing our lungs out for contests, right? it was great we went through the path where we held her presence for 3 consecutive years. the luckier ones got 4. others had 2. the unfortunate got one. the miserable got none. no offense, but they don't know who they just missed.*

i didn't see him today. or yesterday rather. i just saw his "brother". i haven't seen him for 2 weeks now. it's really depressing. i believe some things are supressed because they want to hit it colossal when the perfect time comes. it comes, you know - the perfect time. sometimes it just takes too long others become quasi about it already, then no later than the momentum of disbelief it will all just become a mist that will eventually proclaim a total intrusion of not believing and definitely not waiting. it's a sad world, quite incomprehensible, don't you think? it grows more complex by the day. i wish everything falls to subversion. nobody would understand it, though.. but that's what it's all about, right? the more knowledge-severity we throw on our youthful, innocent and childish minds, the more we deem the world extraordinarily special leading us to grasp more the reality which we have not even glanced upon. i love this guy. world complexities will find my way to him. i'm apprehensive, yet i believe prodigy awaits me too.

missing hoods badly

2005-05-27T23:23:00.000-07:00

i am missing my bestfriend hoods terribly. when we left for Batangas on the morning of the 25th (which was good, by the way 'cause we were supposed to leave on the night of the 24th) that was the end of her vacation here in our almost-humble home. was it a scream for i didn't want her to leave. gar! anyway, when we arrived there at about 7am, we got ourselves ready so.. make-ups on and cocktail dresses on. it was awfully uncomfortable especially with the make-up agitations 'cause i never really liked putting them on and they practically never looked good on me. however, i had no choice left but to just have them because my mother didn't want me to look pallid on the video. mother even got mad at me for i was childishly throwing an almost fit of annoyance when she was putting something on my eyelids. i told her that subtlety was what i wanted blah blah blah then she got sick of me whining so she left me alone to do all the "subtlety" i wanted. since i'm such a complete stranger to the task, i was experiencing a negligible flow of panic and terror in my veins, and do you know the only person i was thinking of? gawd, every junior must know who she is. Anjo of course! anyway, it was so retarded that in the end i thankfully found my mother telling me to put on more blush-ons. it was cool. mothers just can't resist their daughters. the Silver Wedding Anniversary went thoroughly well. it was a lot of fun, especially the eating. we left that night too 'cause my father had office the following day. bestfriend hoods didn't come home with us so it was really really really sad :'c the latter part of the day had been the most special time. two words: RED ROSE.

i have heard of geniuses marrying their relatives. how sweet. preposterous.. but idiosyncratically sweet. highly incestuous.. but uniquely sweet.

just link it, babeh.

2005-05-21T17:06:00.000-07:00

http://dadinedostoevsky.motime.com

i think my motime blog's getting a little below efficient so i thought of posting new stuff there.

i read someone's blog awhile ago and i have only one word to say: POSER.
this person is sabotaging the rhetoric approach of unpretentious and genuine people. you are a charlatan. you think you can be so astounding, yet all you are to me is a wooden nickel who swindles authentic ingenuity. scumbag. why don't you go gorge your lexicon - bet you can't even breathe without it. i loathe you. quack quack.

some fleeting post this is :)

2005-05-20T01:21:00.000-07:00

it's sooo sooo hot. i can feel myself being thawed by the ruthless temperature. since that's the case, i've become a person of utmost stolidity. i feel like a statue. i don't want to move, i don't want to complicate things more than the way they are, i don't want to colonize myself to things that are against my doldrums. i'd rather stay that way than die of being liquefied. the heat incapacitates me. really, it does. plus, i'm definitely becoming a "tv person" already. apparently since Meteor Garden started, all i ever did was wait for 5:30 to come and watch the program. i'm also watching Full House if you want to know so i'm pretty torn and bemused at the same time. ohmaigaaad. i'm becoming a fan of koreanovelas already! oh shit. i didn't see that coming until a few hours ago. i noticed i've been really hooked with the guys in Memories Of Bali and Stained Glass. i mean, they're not really bad-looking, right? it's technically may 20 'cause it's now 12:43 in the morning. my insomnia's not getting any better, and it's not getting worse either so it's practically just retaining its degree. anyway, i got to rush this a little bit 'cause i'm feeling unreservedly slothful right now. so last may 18, i was in Mocha Blends at Royal Place with 5 of the Besprens plus Cyrile, my dear bestfriend who's having her vacation in my house. the 5 Besprens who came were sasa, karen, ej, vince and wil.

My abridged thoughts at the moment :D
* David Blaine is amazing. no one does it like him when it comes to "mind over matter" ordeals. he's just incredibly fascinating.. and he has deadly eyes. cute ;)
* i have a crush on my second cousin. is that gross in a superior level?
* Matteo Guidicelli is extremely cute. i didn't expect his age. 15? ohkamon.
* i want to go back to Laffline. besides.. i think i HAVE to. uluuul.
* is Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge already out? My Chemical Romance's 2nd single is not that bad. it's good actually. i have to buy their album. seriously.
* i have to buy Hale's album too.. and Bamboo's.
* my hair needs a new treatment. for now, my hair's a hedge plant.
* i still hate airheads, plastics and whores. that can never change.
* no offense to girls who smoke, but i just got to say that sights of girls who do it are located light years away from being "picturesque". it's just highly exasperating in an irritatingly ostentatious way.
* i am dreadfully confused. ohhpak. summon up, bastard: CONFUSION IS NOT AN OPTION. retain information. commit to memory.
* 25 :D

too tough to die

2005-05-17T00:45:00.000-07:00

i just got off in front of the tv 'cause i was watching Resident Evil Apocalypse, and it's the first time i've seen it. the ending's pretty logical and levelheaded so the movie was evidently fine. the woman who played Alice really blew me off. she was so cool. i wish i had that kind of strength and agility. boohooo. how unreal. anyway, i'm in thorough joviality right now 'cause my best bud Cyrile is on vacation here in our house, which would also denote more time in the mall for us! haha. what a complete hoax - mall without money - i think that would be alright since the mall's a really cool place, literally, and the mere thought of staying there and not experiencing the 41*C heat is just plain groovy. so as i was saying, my best bud would be on vacation here until we go to Batangas on May 25 for the Silver Wedding Anniversary of my aunt and uncle. darn. i really don't like dressing up on formal occasions, it's as if the temperature's rising up a notch and that's just horrible. i know that sounded a little pointless but dressing up on those unpopular texture of cloths make me wholly uncomfortable which results to an almost point of queasiness. believe me, it's all dire.

my sisters and i went shopping yesterday because i needed a new pair of school shoes. it was horrible. don't bother asking, but it was just annoyingly horrible in an advanced level. whatever. what's important is that i bought something "satisfactory".. speaking of yesterday, we didn't go to church since we already had mass the day before it, so call me slightly impolite or something, i have to say that i was adversative to the situation. saturday masses activates my hostility so.. pardon me then. we attended the saturday mass 'cause there was a procession succeeding it and my parents wanted to take the sacrifice. however, unplanned situations came so all of us didn't attend the procession. actually i was only referring to a single "state of affair" wherein my parents were invited to watch the Madrigal Singers something something, so they, or we rather, had to leave early though i wanted to see more of the Santacruzan. it was okay though 'cause we didn't leave until we saw all the participants. gag me - i thought i was going to be sick. i don't want to put it here so if you want to know what really made me barf that time, just ask me. anyway, the fun in watching is that you get to criticize and make comments all in very harsh ways and then you'll just end laughing without anyone giving a damn, unless of course somebody heard you and in the unfortunate call, he/she is affiliated with the one you're making fun of. plus, you don't want to be alone doing all the laughing and the criticizing.. not if you want to be called nuts. haha. i'm saying this because i just had an experience relating to it and oh god. was it a comic. there was this participant who was wearing a vaguely beautiful gown and it was all-white with designs that put me off to sleep, so when she was about to pass by my sister and me, i whispered to my sister referring to her gown, "ikakasal ka na?", which of course was meant to be a joke.. and so i thought my hearing aid was fine. i have colds, therefore when i speak or whisper, the volume that i'm producing leaves me no clue to how loud or soft it is. unluckily, the girl in the white gown heard me herself and she gave me a fixed look of disgust and displeasure; and in the unfortunate turn of my life-wheel, my face was so smug that obviously it became more frustrating to her. call me bad but that was really funny.

rock the casbah. i miss listening to the clash.

the severity of my insomnia is gradually degenerating at the moment, sooo strike me with some luck.. i want to go back to Laffline. wala lang ;) ahhh. i almost forgot. how much more loathsome can a servant of God get? grrr. so to have a succinct telling, my fuming hatred for our parish priest practically makes me a criminal in mind.. but i don't care. he asked my mother to make 30 sandwiches accompanied with 30 tetra packs, which of course, had to be bought for the musiko that will be playing in the Santacruzan. we made 40 because we wanted to have a surplus of it rather than to have it short, and when my mom brought the sandwiches to the church, you know what the priest said? "eh kung 10 pa kaya?" what the hell was that? it was really bad since we already ran out of bread so mother had to go out way farther from our house just to obtain those carbohydrates. it was so appalling i had to calm myself from saying rude stuff about that priest. what a pompous piece of crap. hate me, for all i care. he's not God.

adieu to the greatest jock of NU 107 :(

2005-05-15T00:25:00.000-07:00

bullshit. this is highly infuriating. he established himself as one of the greatest jocks in the history of radio "livelihood" yet there he went: to an indefinite leave. just great. however, listening to NU these past couple of hours didn't seem unforeseen. it's like nothing essentially revolutionized, but hearing Andy instead of Zach on Remote-control Weekend gave a tingling nostalgic sensation. no more Zach the banana. what more could be horrifically depressing? it was a tremendous blow of a grim news flash. at 2pm yesterday, i was supremely surprised when i heard that Zach and Joey would be working in sync again on air. i was sooo freakin' happy 'cause the last time i heard them was way back 2 years ago. as their show was on-going, which was actually called "Zach and Joey in the morning - in the afternoon", Joey mentioned that Zach would be making a big announcement at 5:55 (Zach's shift's only until 6). i made this big guess that his announcement would be about him, leaving NU. fuck. did i get that on a dead on. i was just kidding and then poof. for the first time i guessed right have i felt totally regretful. anyway, when it was already 5:45 in our clock, i ran to the radio for the big announcement. i was late. my sister said the announcement has been made right before the "Closing Time" song, and it was "Closing Time" that was being played then when i ran to the room. i guess the damn clock above the TV was fuckin' late. so anyway, when the song ended (and it went pretty long 'cause it was just starting when i entered the room. darn) i went out again to resume my watching of the illustrious Meteor Garden. Dang, how i missed the Flower 4. hahaha yaaaak, but hey.i won't deny that Dao Ming Si strikes me like senseless. i, nonetheless will miss Zach the banana truly. the greatest rock jock that has ever happened to NU 107. i hope he floods back.

laugh all you want but i just got to say that Owen Wilson is a hottieee!!! i know Luke can be better-looking but i just can't resist Owen's blond hair. wooo.

later.

Captivatingly Owen :x

2005-05-15T00:20:00.000-07:00

Owen with Jewel (i should've been the one beside him) *hindi sila, ok??* Owen's mine, only mine :D

Zhang Yining wins 3rd Gold at ITTF :D

2005-05-13T04:07:00.000-07:00

2005-05-13T04:05:00.000-07:00

Yaahooo!!!

2005-05-13T03:35:00.000-07:00

Zhang Yining won over Guo Yan yesterday at the Women's Singles Finals on the 5th game at the International Table Tennis Federation in Shanghai, scoring 13-11. i was at the edge of my seat and almost shouting until the match ended. it was a tight play, they were scoring alternately and guessing who would win the game was something implausible. i wish i recorded it, the game was sooo good i could have cried when Zhang obtained her 13th point. she is World No. 1. that is ultimately awesome. if i am not mistaken, this is her 3rd gold now 'cause i read something on the internet dated August 2004 that she won her 2nd gold then. i know this is so peculiar since i'm no table tennis player and i don't even play it, yet i'm a total aficionada of the sport. hah. i started watching last year and i thought it was fun so i continued doing so. i think i've memorized the schedule already in Solar Sports. hayy. now it's over :( what am i going to watch in the afternoons now? anyway, what's funny about it is that almost all of the competents are Chinese, and if they don't live in China, they're from Hongkong. fascinating. with their tiny eyes they could follow the movements of a tiny ball. really fascinating. anyhow i think it's cool. there were Germans in the scene though so it's not actually all chinky-eyed people. the division was Men's Double and they won silver because of course, the gold-holders were from China. (wow didn't see that coming.) one of them is yummy and his name is Timo Boll. he's a lefty like me! he has good hands too, as in good-looking hands. pretty hands are just so endearing.. such an asset.

i know i was supposed to rev my Bohol stories but i just couldn't leave Zhang Yining's win unnoticed. i'll post it here when i get hold of all the time i can consume. anyway, it's currently 3:13am and i just sort of came home from Laffline. grabe nakaka-utot sa lugar na yon. not only that, they also have a very very very good-looking receptionist (if that's what you call it). phew. how could a person be so damn good-looking :x i'm never going to see that guy again. so so sad.

i'm going to leave for Batangas later in the afternoon with my dad and my sister. i'm going to return on Saturday too, in short, tomorrow so i won't be able to go with the Besprens "self-styled" gimmick. like what kind of gimmick is that? no offense, but we really don't have to hang-out there, do we? besides it's not a hang-out place. it's a school, for THOSE who don't know. when can you be all clued-up anyway? for the 2nd time around, thank God my brows don't make too much diversion.

this is another picture of Gerard Way. haha :) my sister thinks he's gay because of the way he smiles and even the way he talks.. maybe his make-up too.. but i don't care. he still sings grrreat and he has nice hands. if you haven't come to notice, he looks like Billy Corgan, the ex-vocalist of Smashing Pumpkins and current vocalist of Zwan. when i first saw "Helena" i thought Billy Corgan has a new video, but the voice proved it. haha. by the way, if you don't like My Chemical Romance.. back off! haha. i was joshin'. good morning.

tantananan!!

2005-05-13T02:31:00.000-07:00

-Gerard Way iz gyut.-

My Chemical Romance

2005-05-11T01:57:00.000-07:00

2005-05-11T01:51:00.000-07:00

Gerard Way is a hottieee ;)

i'm baaack. boiling boiling.

2005-05-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

i knew this perfect time would come. well, it isn't really "perfect" but i can say it is the "best" time. it's currently 10:54pm and i will not deny the grating fact that i'm in the process of sweltering brought down a level. i couldn't write a post for the past few days, and yes, since i got home from Bohol because firstly, when i got off the plane i was at summit with an outbreak of nausea, therefore i acquired a fever. second, the heat was exasperatingly and unbelievably searing every part of my body and it made me resort to absolute indolence and unqualified idleness. i had no choice but to be that way - i could have died with a single work done. i may be exaggerating, but hell. that could have happened actually. so i had fever for almost 3 days and guess what, this was the first time i got sick and i didn't even let my parents know about it. ate tin knew though and she of course blabbered it to my parents so they asked me if it was true. needless to say, i denied it. haha. i was trying some new stuff. it's self-cure if you want to know. i didn't take any medicines and my parents knew about the whole thing when i was already feeling well. that was interesting. really. i was supposed to blog just when i got home but as i have mentioned, i got sick and then the heat was unbearable, my brain couldn't even manage a decent sentence eggheads like me would appreciate. hahaha. that was some bragging. so i arrived here in Manila on a Saturday morning then the rest of the day had been a brimmed depiction of void. Sunday was Mother's Day so when lunchtime came we had a cramming of decision whether or not we should lunch-out or just stay at home. luckily, the cramming was really mugged up so we ended up just staying home and watching the movie we bought our ever-dearest mother, Love Actually. the film was entirely good and that could have counted as my "favorite film". surely if you are a very close friend of mine, you would be knowledgeable of the detail that my only favorite movie is Serendipity. so if you knew that just now, my message is that i hope we could spend more time with each other. haha. anyway, back to my Sunday of utter splendor, our father informed us that we would be attending the 5:30pm mass. i got myself ready and then i took THE BIG RISK, which i verbally told my sister and myself and off we went to church. (don't let that "BIG RISK" baffle you, only very few people know about it.) i entered the church with my hopes clinging to thin branches which are bound to break even with a slight of force applied and i had my confidence on fate. i was looking around for any signs of familiarity that would lead me to his presence. what i didn't know was that "a look around" was unnecessary, the only thing i needed to do was move my head up, and there he was. i once again felt ecstatic and rapture filled my assertive heart. my 25 made my Sunday an inclusiveness of splendor. yihaaa. after the mass, we ate at this Vietnamese restaurant where for the first time in my whole life, i felt the urge of vomiting while eating. that was the last thing i thought that could occur to me. eating was my expertise, gagging was something far-fetched from my personality. i tried thinking of the reason why, and the only thing i could come up with was the restaurant's smell. hmmm.. was it the smell or was it the.. rice? once again, if you are a very close friend of mine, you would be aware of the juvenile piece of information that i am a very particular person when it comes to rice. i think it was the rice, it came too tacky if i'm not mistaken. haha enough of that. yesterday was vacuum day. no, we didn't buy new vacuum cleaners nor cleaned our house with it, it's just that yesterday was another empty day. sucko. as for today, just about the same. i only checked my friendster account and found out that some stupid people spell BLABBER as BLUBBER. freak out. read, will you? you should also stop cursing if you want to look like a sweet, sweet girl who's such a honey-doo tweetum and who's also hitting on 2 guys. why don't you drink Absolute?

i am over the sparrow. many won't believe me though 'cause i've said it a dozen times now and they all came out as stupid lies. well, no more lies now. besides, i've already explained to bespren riri how i have materialized with that sudden FACT. goooodeh.

i love my egghead friends - beautifully carved with massive brain tissues inside. i'm sorry you missed it, you didn't have what was said on the latter. easy with that helium. you got the smile, the boob.. and the brow. goodluck binggo.

*Bohol stories will be revved tomorrow* :)

cream of the crop

2005-05-03T01:25:00.000-07:00

i'll be off to Bohol in... 7 hours. i have no plan of sleeping since i don't want it cut short when i wake up later at about 4am. i'll just sleep in the plane. oh stupid. of course not. the trip's only for an hour and if that's the case, my sleep's probably meant to be cut too. maybe i'll just sleep when i get there. besides, i'm not a "sleep" person, i couldn't care more ;) pero excited ako, noh tasing? haha :) would you believe that i would miss the last 4 sessions of my review? the review's bound to end this week, but since i won't be back until saturday, i'd have to miss it :( ..yeheyy! beach here i come.

my sisters and i went shopping yesterday and today, and i didn't know that looking for the perfect swimwear would be so "laborious". it was fun although it was pretty backbreaking. i think we've been inside and out of every establishment that sells swimwears. in addition to that, i was surprised more than ever when i became aware that there was no Sassa and Barbizon in SM Megamall. i thought that mall was complete. well, i thought wrong and it's really not that possible if a mall is entirely complete of all establishments here in the republic of the philippines. or is it? so knowing that the said establishments weren't there, we went to Alimall in Cubao where i am perfectly sure that Sassa or Barbizon exist. when we got there, i tried the swimsuit that i fell inlove with when i saw it the first time weeks before. i didn't buy it then 'cause i thought i wouldn't need a new one, but i was mistaken. what's more is that my sisters bought new ones, and i realized that my old swimsuit, which I wore in my 2nd year swimming class, looks totally deep-rooted and, bratty as it may seem, it's as if it can ruin the whole event. buzz. my term of execution.

this guy is freaking me out. people are telling me that i do LOVE him already because of the span of time i spend thinking about him. well, just to make things CRYSTAL CLEAR, i DON'T. i know this is all just a big lump of infatuation. furthermore, i don't even know what LOVE is. i can't say that i loved him yesterday and now i don't love him anymore 'cause i haven't seen him for a while, and then tomorrow i love him again 'cause i saw him wearing this beautiful shirt that made him look yummy 3 minutes ago. oh crap all those shits. so it just sickens me when i hear a bunch of 15 and 16-year olds saying, "minahal ko sya.." and then 5 days later i would hear, "bumabalik na eh.. mahal ko na sya ulit." i don't amplify thoughts and i'm not the type of person who glorifies in overstating so expect me holding off any signs of mendacity.. and speaking of mendacity - hey boy, that was some stupid propaganda. some extremely tall tale one's not ever going to believe. i advise you to make up your mind, and stop thinking that this airhead's ever going to care. hmmm. ahh. you think the airhead's playing hard-to-get, don't you? what a phenomenal probability. i'm no aficionada of your looks anymore, and i'm fcukin' tired of being an insignificant person to you. it's always your pick. you go for tasteless creams with outward shows of out-and-out enticements. i am only the crop, the one who corroborates the existence of the cream. where can you find the term: CREAM OF THE CREAM? you want this world to wrack, ruin and rot?

whatever. all i can say is: i'm lucky i am not fatally beautiful. i don't have curls. i do have on my brain though. i don't have vices either. i'm a good kid - umiinom ako ng gatas ng kalabaw.

you put me in a life-threatening fit of pique, mister.

2005-04-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

LINK! http://dadinedostoevsky.motime.com

i just think motime's a cool blog site so i made a blog there. it's not that substantial compared to this blog, so it's practically just a blog full of petty and silly rants. the URL's still not sure though 'cause i couldn't think of anything with a smart description :) hehe. so i just placed the surname of this great russian novelist after my nick. see that old man in the picture located on the upper-left side of my blog? that's him. hmmm.. i think i won't change it anymore. i'm just going to leave it that way :) besides, Fyodor Dostoevsky is a genius i really have a high opinion of.

forgive me if i got it all wrong and if i just got the wrong impression about it, but on the onset, that was really foul. rude asshole. do you have a pea-sized brain or what? why don't you think first before making jokes so you won't end being boorish. to think you're someone i like. that just displeased me so much, now i genuinely hate you. go quench your thirst with external perfection and internal disintegration - no brains attached. ugh.

THIS IS MY DAY

2005-04-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

[i love my 25]

Happy Anniversary, sweet love. With everything so clandestine, both you and I still realize every drop of euphoria that wallows on our world of enigma and strangeness. The eyes say it all, the words' precision complicates the simple language that only both of us can understand. I love you :)

my teeth resemble piano keys alternately pressed :|

2005-04-24T23:57:00.000-07:00

the once evocation of this nostalgia has been finally brought to a longed-for finish. my exultation has reached a height of unfeasibility - i'm almost sure God made that human for me. the thought is dramatic mixed with hilarity, but i just can't help but be convinced that the human i've been viewing through rose-tinted glasses is definitely for me. for over a year, i've been letting my imagination run riot because of this special being. i've also put him on a pedestal so unfathomable sometimes i think it's pure madness that's been seeping through me. i nevertheless don't give a myself a burden or let myself be bothered with folly or a wild run of my whimsy. i'm being subjected to too much bliss and to have myself be vexed is an absolute baloney. the simple thought that we "met" awhile ago almost the same time last year is a sign of fate playing as a great protagonist on our serendipitous play of love(?). with God as our witness, our world froze twice as the interlocking of our eyes took place. ahhh 25 :) i am your tenured lovah til the world burns down to ashes.. and unto the next phase of life :D

i'm getting tired of my teeth. it looks so bad it just envies me to death that my sisters possess rows of double pearls. i'm not getting my teeth corrected until this coming christmas. so just go guess and envision the state of my teeth by that time. wish me luck. my row of double pearls is going to go down a long way of enhancement and perfection so i figured that some part of me is an oister. doesn't that captivate your minds? 'cause it sure does mine. it triggers the center of my brain. brilliant.

the blessing of the house yesterday went utterly fine. i was supposed to write a post yesterday but i barely had time to do that 'cause the celebration ended pretty late, and i was so freakin' tired from all the things that i did. well, i got tired of 4 things: laughing, talking, eating and making fun of my cousins. i needed to take a good breather so, i thought that i had to pass last night from blogging :) i had a smashing time with both sides of my family, then my best bud cyrile came too so it was more than fantastic. i told her to stay for the week, so that when i go to eastwood this friday, i'd be able to bring her with me and introduce her to the Besprens. however, she didn't bring any clothes and she hasn't asked permission from her mom yet so she was practically left with no choice but to leave by the end of the day. you can think that clothes and permission are not much of what you call "hassles", but with her, those are. she lives in batangas, and getting there or coming here will take more than a smile. i told her to try to come back here before friday but i think she said that wouldn't be too easy and if ever she comes back, it's going to be far later than friday. well, it's alright. at least she'll get to stay here with us :) one of the funniest things that i encountered yesterday was when i was playing scrabble with my granpa, my aunts and uncles and my sisters. we were 8 then, so we only had 3 rounds. wow. exciting, wasn't it? ;p everytime it was my uncle's turn we would say that he would be done putting his letters on the board when all of our teeth have fallen off already. gawd, it was like waiting for winter to come. we were all laughing so hard because my other uncle was teasing him so badly. sheesh. you don't ever want to play with somebody like my uncle. (joke lang, tito ric. haha)

i have review again tomorrow and the rest day will be on friday. i'll be starting my "pagkuha at pagsakay ng jeepney" training on tuesday because as i have said: NO MORE TAXI CABS FOR ME. (screw that driver) i am sooo nervous. would you believe that all in all, i would be riding 3 jeepneys just to get to up diliman? that'll cost me 15 bucks, and that's way better than being charged with P80 by a mendacious taxi driver. after the 3 jeepney rides, i would be taking a "little" walk to get to the venue. little. right, fe? hmmm. that's going to be really fun though 'cause i've never hated taking walks, and i really need calorie-burning activities at this time. i'm getting beyond rotundity. pity is priceless yet pointless. see what i mean :p

i'm beginning to get over the disaster that struck me a week ago. however, i still haven't changed my decision in killing this corpse-looking mammal. this asshole's bound to die, and i think i should nail that down. some pseudo-looking shit, but this is just how i emit my seething resentment. pardon. by the way, i had my scariest dream last last night. tasing knows about it, and it's veeery creepy 'cause i think that same night i had that scary dream, her tita also had this dream about me.. and it's kind of connected with mine. waaaaah. how much creepier could some dreams get..

a few more minutes before APRIL 25 :D MY UNENDING RAPTURE.
i love you sossimo :)

totally molar

2005-04-23T01:59:00.000-07:00

it's currently 1:24am and it's no surprise i'm still wide awake. it's technically saturday and in 8 hours and 30 minutes time, people will be arriving here in our home sweet home for our house blessing part II. magnificent, i should be asleep by now for the reason that i have to wake up early later. well, i'm kind of used to those things. getting 3-5 hours of sleep is not outlandish to me anymore, especially now that i'm having my review classes in the morning.. and i usually find myself running late and get this: SPENDING MORE. sooo bull. i'm only supposed to ride on jeepneys 'cause it's a whole lot cheaper yet for more than 3 straight days, i'd been caught up in air-conditioned taxi cabs with untruthful metros. my experience awhile ago just gave me a complete outburst of trauma - the amount that was displayed on the metro was P65. i gave him a hundred bucks, so obviously i was expecting for a P35 change. i hope his car crashes. that corrupt fucker gave me P20. i had my P15 flying away from me like a feather blown by a tornado. that sick fuck, i hope his car bangs unto a post, or better - his car jumps from a bridge, then he'd drown and die to lie down on a coffin that sums up to only P15. i hate that maaaaan!! wow. 2 persons already on my death list. fascinating.

totally molar. my sister lost one of her molars the day before yesterday. i couldn't help but laugh. i mean, how many people in the world lose their molars just because they produce unbearable pains? my sister was pretty stuck right onto her bed because she had to "rest" and be a little idle so that the unoccupied gum in her mouth wouldn't bleed. fuuunny :D

*yawn* finally. i conjured a fantastic yawn. time to go to bed. i'll continue this later. mornin' :)

pardon thine cruelty

2005-04-18T23:29:00.000-07:00

i swear by my lip and love of it that your self-manifestation as a corpse-looking mammal will be changed to a complete actuality of a cadaver, and you will regret the very moment you came up with my beneath-mediocre figure that you processed with an acme of selfishness jammed with idiocy and a nadir of any consideration and kindness. you are nothing but a wretch and i am most happy to withhold any respect for you because you are a hapless creature bestowed upon the world to create madness and futility. who the fcuk do you think you are to incinerate all of my solidified marvels of being a human of absolute constancy in academic feats? not because you are merely elevated in this obtuse chain of command means you are given every right to smash quarter of my future into smithereens. i will most definitely kill you when i get the chance because you are such an impairment to the society that your obliteration from every pecking order is taken in its utmost significance. you are not proficient of anything - you are a wannabe-number intellectual. well get this, lady: you mutilate the grounds where i first learned my multiplication of big numbers. i am repulsed by your continuation in this galaxy and i am going to substantiate the simple detail that your abolition in anyone else's world will be guaranteed more than a hundred percent. no innocent child is worthy to be victimized by a fruitless and exceedingly unpromising person such as yourself and nobody has to be doomed to failure because you're simply left with oxygen in your lungs. i will, i will, i will kill you. well, before i do that, i will first make you realize your biggest slip-up you've ever committed in your miserable life. i hate you so, so, so much. i will even the score one way or another and i will not let this go. ohhh bitch, welcome to my labyrinth of grief.

zilchous postous muhuhuhu ;)

2005-04-15T23:37:00.000-07:00

the past couple of days had been filled with thorough conventionality. not that it's boring, it's just that since monday until thursday, i had been doing the pretty same sort of stuff. review in the mornings and then by the time i get home it's after lunch so.. there. some siesta-filled afternoon if you want to know, and if i got lucky in forcing myself to dust-off our room, then that might have made a little difference. the review is amazingly fun since we do it in a very informal way and we're just 16 in the class so communication isn't really a hurdle. plus, just going to mcdo tandang sora or mcdo philcoa to meet with fe and calling for a taxi almost everyday are "exciting activities" one can't get the chance to do always. hah. see what i mean. i must also mention too that the guys who go to review with us aren't really that bad-looking. haha. actually.. last thursday i got to sit a little close to my crush. muhuhuhu. he's not really my crush, i just think he's cute and he reminds me of my sossimo! woohooo :) ohmuhsiiick-brrrain. anyway, we go to review 4 times a week and the day before yesterday was the chosen "rest day". as for this coming week, monday will be. we requested for that day since it is our issuance of report cards and we thought we should come with our parents to get it. in addition to that.. the recopied prom pics will be released. *oh jubilate, for exultation has finally disembarked our hearts* ..or am i the only one in bliss? hah! if i know.. hmm. i got to move out now, tomorrow's badminton morning :)

i just left the Besprens ym conference. the turnout was incomplete - there were only 7 of us. so the 5 absentees were wil, ej, patsy, moral and kate. muhuhuhuhu! mga chongeets!!! kelan ba tayo di nagkaron ng tama?? :D

*please add the Besprens friendster account! sandosenangbesprens@yahoo.com* thanks :)

2005-04-15T01:26:00.000-07:00

timezone :) [l-r] wil, rian, vince, dadine, ej *photo by tasing :D*

a prey of unrequited love.. if it is love.

2005-04-11T23:59:00.000-07:00

when i finished my post last night before 12am, i didn't go straight to bed for i just knew better of the ineffectiveness it could lead me to. time is bronze ;p better do something than push myself to the edge of psychosis. no, thanks. up until 3am i was reading and pouring out my ennui through writing a mixture of puerile and meaty poetry all the same a "trying-hard", when i felt a peculiar sensation in my nose. ok, i was having a nosebleed. at first i was entirely amazed by its trickling action that i sort of stared at the oozing sight of that dark red fluid coming out from the left side of my nose. gross out. i wiped it away after the bizarre amusement and lied down on my bed for a couple of minutes and then got up too in an instant. uh-oh not yet done. moments after i stood on my feet, it started leaking again. i was freaked out, the bleeding was atypical. anyway, in the short run, the bleeding ceased and after several minutes, i went to sleep. i was awakened 3 hours and 25 minutes later by my sister 'cause she also had to go to her school for here thesis stuff and we agreed to leave the house together. after dropping her at philcoa, my mom and i headed to mcdo tandang sora where i would meet janna and fe. i was supposed to go to the venue right away but i made out the stupid detail that i didn't even know which way to go. yes, the address was given but it's the whole UP Diliman we're talking about here. i'd be like.. what? finding a needle in a haystack? that would be like having a go in the amazing race. sounds fun, but not the right time mohn. when i arrived at mcdo, the 2 wasn't there yet so i killed the ticking clock by what else? eating of course :) besides, i haven't eaten my breakfast then. the first one to arrive was janna then after a pretty long wait, fe arrived with ate aika who led the way to the venue. she even paid for the taxi. grool. the first session went utterly fine, i even reckon that this would be a looot of fun. everything will be done in a casual procedure - that's the best part of it. another euphoric thing is that it's not a session greater than 4 hours like other review centers. i mean - more than 4 hours of doing nothing but reviewing? that would anesthetize anyone's brain. considering the fact that it's summer, and one's getting the feeling that he/she is back to school. that is a nightmare. i could end up in a booby hatch with that single and simple thought. ohhboiii ;)

i've had enough. i've sheltered a whole heap of ache now and i took too much refuge on hopes and anticipations that i didn't realize how detrimental such expectations could get. then i got tired of feeling the same way everyday and i realized that i almost lived my life because of this bonehead who doesn't even see me. too bad for an apprehension but just too good to be served as a moral. on the other hand, i just can't impugn the bonehead simply because the bonehead causes me distress. the clear-cut term is that once the "deal" becomes entirely unreciprocated, then leave it that way. bawl all day - like something's going to change? i can never be the smoking biao-si neither can i be the cute kap chao. i was agonized, what more could affect my dismally turmoiled brain?

aaahhh. only a few years left, and my brain hops into the probability of absolute "off-the-rocker" stage. no, not rocker-nirvana style but in a much much more serious mode. corrosion. precisely what it is. i have never been so scared all my life. you know this, tas. just in case things get too unsmiling, anything green will do. besides, i can never live my life being inept to do the things that bear my survival which produces no great shakes :p

i am in spite of everything, tossing and turning. i am fatigued yet i am vivacious. i am melancholic yet i am happy. there are so much more to live for. why do i even have to burden myself with you, you and you?

spare me some sleep.

another learning stint starts tomorrow

2005-04-10T23:35:00.000-07:00

my review for the college entrance exams starts tomorrow at 8am. it sooo freaks me out. the time has come for me to wake up early. the time has come for me to be afflicted with the most excruciating torment. hellhole alert. my road to perdition. this is it. the resolution i have mentioned last time about my struggle against insomnia didn't really come off that easily. to be extremely honest, i've never actually slept before 12am since i made that awfully believable resolution. it wasn't that easy - it almost killed me. anyway, i want to greet Vince Garduce a belated Happy Birthday :D i had an April 6 post made; it was incredibly long and i considered it one of the most definitive posts i have ever written. however, computer complexities just made them go away and pop that easily like a stupid bubble. i was petrified. i wrote it for an hour and a half, then it just became wiped away for a split-second. i had nothing to do but to absorb the terrifying moment. that terror made me lose appetite to blog for 4 days.

i've already made something for my sparrow, i'm going to post it here some other time. i also just figured out that it would never land. i think it will remain forever unreachable. what's the use of hoping? :(

half of the Besprens [me, tasing, rian, vince, ej and wil] went to Greenhills last friday to watch Hide and Seek and play at Timezone (although i didn't). the movie was great (free tickets! thanks mehn!), we had a lot of deafening screams produced. oh my god! oh my god! rian had an ice-breaker of his own too. ONG-BAK. siyeeet. nothing could be funnier. after the movie, we ate at Italianni's and rian paid for everything (thank youuu!). can't live without my Besprens! woohooo :D

a semi-busted 30 minutes before afternoon and an "electrifying" resolution. boing.

2005-04-04T18:47:00.000-07:00

i'm hours late. pongk. ok, so i still haven't written anything for my sparrow since i've been a little busy this afternoon. well, not that busy actually. i got to say that my 2am post awhile ago's pretty sabog. maybe it's really time for me to change my so-called schedule. i'm going to sleep early tonight 'cause my mother's practically upset by my "afternoon-awakenings" and if truth be told, i'm starting to get a little muzzy. i miss waking up at 8am. so this morning, i was awakened by my sister at 11:30 'cause she went storming inside our room with intensifying irritation that i sat right up even before i opened my eyes so i was like sitting already when i took hold of my sight. i must have looked extremely stupid that time. so as i was saying, she was irritated and her first hit to me was, "anong oras ka natulog kagabi?!" i lied and said, "12," when in fact it was already 3 in the morning when i got to bed.. and i didn't doze off right away that time. so much for my "good morning, dadine" greeting. she asked me if i didn't hear the ringing of the telephone when i was asleep ('cause i usually do hear it - and i'm the only one in the family who does. *eyes rolling* oh, plus my mother.) and i said that i didn't. so as i was barely moving away from my subconscious mind, my sister hastily explained that my father had been calling and nobody was answering the phone blah blah blah.. i really didn't understand that time why i had to be the person to answer the phone when they could be the one to do that and i was actually having my unfathomable degree of snooze - for what? the 2nd or 3rd time? ohh sympathy please. so when i got out of the room, i heard my mom almost yelling about my unhealthy habit of sleeping in the morning and waking up in the almost-afternoon yadda yadda.. my mom and i didn't get in an argument though sooo.. lucky me. haha. so i thought that maybe i do need to break this stupid habit - that's why i'm doing this post now. 6:07 pm. wooosh, the breeze has taken on a new direction. magnificent.

no offense to Lohan-fans but Confessions of A Teenage Drama Queen was less than i expected. it was.. i don't know. dry? plain? i mean, it's too typical. i should've starred in it. hah. panget. blehehehe.

since i woke up at 11:30 already, my sister and i didn't get to play badminton. my unfortunate and corpulent physique.. issuance of report cards is next week! waaah. i wish the school would burn down together with the stupid pink papers.. what an ecstacy.

pining for your presence

2005-04-04T02:22:00.000-07:00

*twenty-five*

i miss youuu grabe. i don't want you to leave because if you do, that's never going to mitigate the harsh throbbing of my heart and the severe agony that i'm already suffering now. i woo you. stay.. and i'll live.

this is getting pretty serious, really. i'm not much of a "sleep-lover" but before, i used to sleep in regular hours. now, i can hardly keep up with the real "going-ons". sooo weird. last night, just to be logical, i slept at 6am. yes. i know, it's off beam. so practically, i slept yesterday at 6am ('cause it's now April 4 - 12:44 am.. so it's not last night. it's LAST last night. bleh whatever.) and woke up at 11:30 am. the haze is unexplainable, i don't get it either. what i know is.. i am sleepless and i am not happy about it. it doesn't make any difference even if you try to put me to bed at 9pm or something. after an hour or two or three or four, you'll find me still awake, and in no time, will get up and eat. yesss. eating is so inescapable that in some facet it is foreseeable. dumb pig. anyway, in about 6 to 7 hours time, my sister and i will be playing badminton in our clubhouse. i just wish i'll have the vigor to undergo such tiring.. sport. i mean, i definitely have to start moving now if i don't want to become a tub of lard. i hate to do this, but i just don't want my mother to be unhappy - or my whole clan to be unhappy. or maybe me too.

tasing is getting good at this, i definitely have to congratulate her. she is getting it done, and i am so delighted that she's getting the taste of the real zealous world of the youth today. tasing, this is for real. don't let go while i wait for mine, ok?

"this" = **** [burning. burning.]

i still don't know what to write for my sparrow. i'm going to do that maybe later this afternoon. still not landing though. i doubt it would. you know it's weird that i have misgivings about it but i still sort of wait, and if my wait becomes unproductive.. then i have only to will it.

this day had been very very very hot. as in unusually hot. i really don't know why, but i hope this coming afternoon would not be like that or else i'd be liquefied in no time. i prefer to be solid, thank you.

i watched Ocean's 11 and Alfie awhile ago - dang. Jude Law is some EuroHottie. Matt Damon and Brad Pitt are the aggregate signs of suffocation. who doesn't know that? 11 is much better that 12. 12 is somewhat boring.

i am currently in a ym conversation with sasa and i am sooo friggin' amused by "their" ym marathon. i knew this was going someplace. *clap clap clap* by the way, if you're leaving for australia or wherever.. go! and never come back, ok? run off, for all we care. don't weep, you motherf*cker 'cause nobody's here to weep for you, and if you think that i owe you, think again.

*be back in... 13 hours.* :)

bushed and dead beat

2005-04-03T01:33:00.000-08:00

for almost a week, my sleeping time has been from 12 to 4 am and i've been waking up at 11:30 am or 12 noon with such constancy that my sluggish life is already requiring a certificate. it's too bad i got used to such hours of sleeping and waking up. i feel like shit. pongk. to hell with my feelings. to hell with my idle muscles. to hell with my mondo bizarro lines of attack of having amusement or pleasure or whatever. NoyPi internet card is blooody tricky. off-peak hours from 12 am to 7 am? who would miss that? well, if i find out that this internet card's a sham.. hmm. then i should switch back to surfmaxx and enjoy 25 hours. let's promote internet cards, shall we? i've become jaded with all these tediousness. my only "fun" is ****. muhehehew. looovin' the bod. you're sweltering and i am thawing. woohooo.

my sister and i went to quiapo yesterday to buy dvd's and guess what. i burned more calories while sitting still than walking. fair enough - it's odd, but let me tell you the sanity of the situation. we didn't bring a car 'cause my sister informed me of the difficulty looking for a parking space there. besides, if we wanted daw to maintain our car's "shape", then it's definitely not an option to bring a car to quiapo. i didn't believe her at first because i kept on thinking that, "ohkamooon i'm sure it wouldn't be that bad." well of course, i stand corrected. anyway, back to my stupid "work-out-while-sitting" venture, we rode a jeepney and my sister wanted to go for the FX but i told her that the FX would cost more, and that's not a preference for us at the time 'cause our money was totally allotted for uncountable dvd's. ohyeaah. so she agreed and complimented me for my once-frugality. pongk. the trip was.. woozy.. queasy.. nauseous! guilt filled the whole of me. i should have listened to my sister when she wanted to ride the FX. it was sooo friggin' hot. i was boiling and i could have sworn the sun was hugging our very dear mother earth. pucha. since the trip was so long, i tried thinking about the dvd's that would reach my lucky hands. good enough. when we got off the jeep, we walked a few meters and yes. there it was - the final destination. half of the appalling trip was compensated by the venue. aircon + celing fans = chill. we bought a lot of movies and 2 concert dvd's by.. Pearl Jam and The Who!! it was grrreat.. there was this woman and i asked her to test Shark Tale, and when i gave her the payment, she asked, "ikaw ba manunuod nyan?" i was so startled na may halong inis so i answered, "uhm, no, mga kapatid ko." she just can't mind her own business, can she? of course i bought the movie for me to watch it too, noh. haha. we went home via jeepney again and it was much better than the 1st trip. so much better. at least i felt the breeze and i was also eating at the time too. mocha zagu rocks. hah. gosh. piracy is rocking the republic of the philippines. i got to admit that piracy is such a euphoria.

i watched Sylvia awhile ago, and obviously it's about the woman named
Sylvia who had Ted Hughes for a husband - Ted Hughes is a poet and the woman i was referring to was Sylvia Plath. she's a genius, really. though i'm pretty sure she was a manic-depressive. she committed suicide when her husband refused to leave his mistress. her husband is such a moron, though he himself was an acclaimed poet. she had two small kids when she killed herself, then i thought of how inconsiderate she was too. well, somebody told me that no genius would ever live his/her life for another. that made a little sense..

1:13 am. hmm. typical. i miss my 25. i love my 25. i crave for ****.. and i have a weakness for the chap who loves the girl with curls lying in hearts ;)

an hour and 55 minutes after April Fool's Day. still acting like a fool though. FOREEEVER.

2005-04-02T01:55:00.000-08:00

tasing. that was sooo unfair. bleh. haha joke. at least. anyway.. i want to say thanks to assiel asanza for my layout!! thanks, acy! :D you are totally a Master-Blogger. i salute you.

i just found out something new about myself. i am a blah-blah blah-blah-blah-blah aficionada. i will do anything to dig you up. i am sooo fucking tired. i have to get some decent sleep now. frolic in my pipe dream. cross the threshold of my reverie. dwell in my trance. i am spellbound by your alluring facade of innocence and the enthralling emergence of your contour.

for thine silhouette
will converge with your flesh and thou rejoinder will be spiteful and cruel; thy
adulation will on no account diminish, wither or even recede. even though thy
subsistence lolls merely on barricades, thine fidelity will rest on thou fleshy
tissue of ardor. thy shall wait but never forestall, for darkness too shall
overwhelm the reality on which thou subsists, and thine silhouette will wane and
ultimately vanish - leaving thou flesh with no reminiscence of a wraith eaten by
luminosity who loved thou with no limits.

screeching weasel. slumber now.

IMAGINATION - one of the greatest gifts God has bestowed upon the human brain ;)

2005-03-31T20:25:00.000-08:00

yaaawn. i so love opening my mind's eye. it gives me the freedom to control the world. hence, the imminence of satisfaction, and if you're looking for the most unconventional phantasm that certain teenagers come up with, that's going to be very easy. tasing and i.. are here. mwahahahaha. grabe na 'toh. the worse cases of i-don't-know-what. damn, so FOXY. shit shit shit. my unstoppable brain is abusive. it's fun, though.. and amusing. waaaaaah. i have the hots for ****. weehee. hotel door. hotel room. shower. couch. a jaguar. parking lot. comfort room. beach. white polo. looovin' it. anak ng.

yesterday i woke up at 12:20 pm. then awhile ago, i woke up at 11:30 am. i hope i wake up at 10 tomorrow at least. i think not. my insomnia has taken on a new level. i wrote this last night when i couldn't sleep.

insomnia has invaded my usual nights of
peace. i close my eyes and try to drift away from consciousness, yet it haunts
me and succeeds with such great effort that i find myself lying awake for what
seem like hours, to think only a few minutes passed by. i yawn and elate myself
for sleep is finally at hand. i close my eyes, feeling relaxation with immense
force that i'm barely breathing, and then something crawls on my back. crawling
from inside my skin, taking a trip up and down my spine. i hit my back so hard,
i almost break what's beneath the flesh. then relief will come for a second or
two and withdraws right away even before i try to break free from the piercing
silence of the night.

i had to do something or else i'd die. i am infected by the insomnia plague. what a drab. it has come out of the book i'm reading. there's this town and it was infected by the plague. they became the sleepless town - in a very literal way. nobody slept, and they were happy at first because they were able to do things that time did not allow them to undergo. however, the plague gives something bad too - loss of memory. there will come a time that all of them will have the worst case of amnesia. in due course, nobody will ever know the use of a cow, the use of a telephone, the use of a toilet bowl and so on. what they did was they labeled everything before they all lost their memories. it was funny 'cause they labeled the cow like this: this is the cow. she must be milked every morning so that she will produce milk, and the milk must be boiled in order to be mixed with coffee to make coffee and milk. the precision is totally laughable. the latter part was a little elusive though. i used to be the "early bird" in the family 'cause i was regularly up by 6am. now my world barely knows "morning" and "breakfast". what a scream.

if i didn't know you better, i should have moved and let you be. one thing that i can never do is to leave and set you free. another thing for sure is that your feelings for her will never flee, and never in your life will you amorously notice me.

i am not sleeping again.

2005-03-30T00:32:00.000-08:00

indeed i am not sleeping again. indeed. timecheck- 12:32 am brought to you by the dynamic insomniac who currently has the equanimity to narrate a chronicle of a despedida foretold.. howyes. ok, so i was at the coffee beanery awhile ago.. or maybe yesterday, with my good good friends sasa, patsy, bespren riri & tasing, dai, kate, karen, ej, vince, wil, rian and of course, miguel [we love you, chong!]. hmm.. did i forget anyone? hopefully none. it was miguel's despedida brought to the 2nd power because he just had the first at eastwood last march 19, but kate wasn't there so i think it pretty sucked for him 'cause kate is verrry special and her presence is such a prerequisite. a necessity. of downright "must". muhehew. anyway i arrived there the last (as always) and we ate a little and talked much to the extent that our noise was earsplitting and this korean woman (according to tasing) had to curb our mouths from exploding like firecrackers. or a nuclear bomb. what a pacifier. bleh. we calmed down for a while and resumed our almost-raucous behavior after having forgotten that she exists. what a laugh. we stayed at the beanery roughly 2 hours then went to corrida where we had iced tea and others had beer while rian also had a sisig of his own. sweet. another 2 hours at the corrida while doing senseless but rather very amusing stuff. we all had our fun then - until miguel had to say his last goodbyes.. and we all had our hankies ready. miguel was to leave for.. uhm. sorry i don't know where, but he was to leave the country and his comeback would be an uncertainty. ooh miguel, we really are going to miss you. do come back soon because we, together with your love (kate! kate!), will truly wait for you; and we do not wish to wait in vain. we love you moraaal :D

yepooow. this is life. not having to worry about not getting enough sleep the past night 'cause you'll have the next day all to yourself. just what i'm doing now. living the life of a vampire. well, almost. got up at 12:30 pm this afternoon, or yesterday rather and had lunch all by myself 'cause everyone in the family's busy. i mean -i think i'm the only one who's not busy. gaining 3 lbs. everyday is just so interesting. or maybe 2 lbs., my certainty has gone astray. after having eaten my lunch i called tasing and patched things up with her which turned out to be reaaally great since i expected a worse response from her for receiving a call from me. she wasn't mad when she knew i was the one at the other line so my grievance was buried 3 feet underground at the time. we talked about the harsh misunderstanding and a few minutes later everything was okay. it was joyous. weehee. after our talk, i decided to read and then i set my alarm at 2:45pm so that i could get ready for miguel's despedida. while reading, our phone rang and my brother answered it and told me it was for me - it was tasing. we talked until 3 so i was pretty late for my "schedule" therefore i was also late at the beanery. tell me about punctuality.

last sunday, we went to batangas to visit our relatives and to celebrate the easter there. i got up at 5am and it was hell 'cause i slept at around 2am that time 'cause i had an attack of insomnia again. then i also had to endure the pain of taking cold shower with the water hurting my skin like a knife plunging on it. i don't know the reason why, but the shower in my sisters' bathroom is definitely terrible. i was like being wounded all over, with the cuts' invisible emergence. kills me like crazy. i took so much time in front of the mirror since the knots in my hair were so tight that i really wanted to cut all of my hair then. soo irritating. our trip was fine and we reached batangas within 3 hours. we decided to have our mass there for assurance, just in case we don't make it in time to manila to have our mass in our church. it was my usual batangas-escapade. talk and eat. watch a movie with cousins, be criticized with my "close-to-obesity" body, blah blah. i was starting to get used to it. they kept saying that i drank too much coke and ate too much ice cream, so i just kept anwering the same answer: "no. i just can't keep my hands off the rice." then they'll shut up.

timecheck -1:59 am. brought to you by the sleepless soul.. and still not lethargic. amen.

to my dear friend Assiel Asanza, thank you very much. as for the person i have deeply offended, I'M SORRY.

2005-03-29T00:59:00.000-08:00

acyyy. thanks for helping me put up this tagboard. dugo at pawis, mehn. i think i have continuously bugged acy for a pretty long time just for that. muhehehe. to think it's just a tagboard. wapongks. then she's going to make me a new layout too. yapoww! thank you very very much, acy :D you truly are a Master-Blogger.

*toot* and i are still not in good terms. after all that has been said and done, taking our friendship back to normal would be far from possible, i think.

I'M SORRY that...

i was not the best listener.
i never got to appreciate the things you've done for me.
i had to put "it" here when i could talk to you naman.
i am self-centered.
i have not mustered enough courage to speak to you right now.
you think taking our friendship back to normal would be impossible.

i know you're not aware of this but let me just tell you that i would do anything to take our friendship back to normal. i know i have screwed things up because of what you have read and your profound disappointment with it.. and also to me, but please do accept my apologies.

SORRY SORRY SORRY.

thine view to catholic credo

2005-03-26T22:14:00.000-08:00

grrr. this singaw is really killing me. i cannot eat well and then i also cannot talk well. waaah. i can't live with that. i definitely cannot live with that. well.. since it's still holy week it can serve as a pretty good sacrifice for an "almost-reprobate" like me. speaking of my severe cases of mendacity. the pang of guilt has bitten me and i'm sorry. anyway, let me share with you my holy week quest. on the 24th we had our visita iglesia and we went to 14 churches, one station per church. we started in the early hours so we wouldn't be caught up with a lot of people and so we could finish early too. at 6pm, we attended mass which was an hour and a half -so it's not really the regular mass we usually attend to.. and guess what. noli de castro, our current vice-president, took part in this mass wherein he was wearing a "sort-of-sutana" and i think he was in front, together with the priests and stuff. there were also other people wearing the same "costume" as his but i'm not familiar with their faces. duh, who would care to know who they are. i bet they're the powerful sickos who contribute a lot for the beautification of the church. so i wasn't really aware of what's happening or what they're doing or why the amusing outfit 'cause i was outside saying my own prayers, or maybe thinking about other things. besides, it was full inside.. and also hot. ok, so the mass was over therefore we went home and then when we got home we had our dinner and then after dinner i had my reading session and then off to sleep and started my "always hazy and fuzzy" dreams. i forgot what time i woke up the next morning but i'm pretty sure it was late.. well, that's the way it's always been. nothing happened for the rest of the many amazing hours so i probably just slacked off and enhanced my sagging self. i think i watched bourne supremacy and scream 3 in the afternoon, i'm not that sure. the only thing i'm sure of is matt damon's hotness. better-looking than ben affleck if you ask me. by 5:00 i was already getting ready for the procession at 6. we were a little late that's why when we arrived at the church, everybody was already coming out with their lighted candles and rosaries.. how holy. the procession covered mira-nila, our subdivision and tierra pura, our neighboring subdivision. they took on a different route this year, and that's weird 'cause we never cover tierra pura when it comes to processions or some other holy rituals which include "calorie-burning" sacrificial acts. tell me about it. hah. then mother told me that the reason why we changed the route and why we had to take on the tierra pura direction was that the person who donated for the new adoration chapel of our church lives in tierra pura. oh so that's why. priests have to show a little gratitude for the donor, huh? just like the friars with kapitan tiago in noli. irks me to death. nothing changes. old habits never die. show gratitude for the bequest. tsktsktsk. i shouldn't have skipped on that stupid dead rat if we didn't set off that route. gross. another thing that drives me crazy is the old women on microphones saying the rosary. why don't they just get younger fellows with much nicer voices who could say the rosary so that people would be more participative and interactive. i know it's absurd but i'm pretty sure it would help a little. it's just that old women's voices give me the creeps. creeps sprinkled with displeasure. my grandmothers' voices don't though. wahaha.

2005-03-26T06:49:00.000-08:00

want to see my real hero? mehn, this is Stone Gossard. the real gossard \m/

2005-03-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

i sooo miss these girls :( cge na, kasama ung dalawa sa likod :D

now it's official!

2005-03-24T17:37:00.000-08:00

the floor is officially open for.. what? a fight? grrreat. just great. i don't want to take back what i said 'cause that's how i felt.. or that's how i STILL feel, rather. hayyy. this summer's going to be screwed as i see it. wtf. my grades are definitely on a down-low and then my "close friend" is giving me the permission to sign off. fantastic. this is a pretty good appetizer for an incoming catastrophic summer, though i know the summer has already started. tsss. hey, look. i got your point, ok? i don't want this to have an extension or a bigger version or something. you can't blame me for having felt that 'cause this is not the only time you've done that to me, and the first was.. well, i consider it your honest mistake.. or maybe you just didn't want to "thank" me that time. try putting yourself in my position, come and feel the grief. have a taste of this rotten feeling of being.. i dunno. i can't elaborate this more than having to elaborate the use of a complex machine. ok, i may be a little out of line that time 'cause i called you a bitch, but did you have to take it literally? when a girl is mad at another girl, isn't it almost normal that the "bitch" word is coming out of every part of her body? i mean, come on. waaah. this is in a high level of intricacy already and i am on the point of a total breakdown. if i have to apologize for being a bigoted friend, then fine, i will. i still feel awfully hurt and what i'm doing now is actually far from what i have planned when i had my blood pressure at summit. i've lowered my pride too far down at this point. this is not entirely my fault, and i don't want to burden myself with everything 'cause i don't want to be gashed anymore than i have already been now. so this should require a parley, doesn't it?

visita iglesia was exhausting as ever. it was a blast though. per parish is a cutie. or a hottie. or a ka-fafahan. hah. forgive me, Father. boy-huntings are absolutely inevitable. bastuuus. wahahaha. my mother wanted me to confess when we were at this certain church... but i just couldn't get myself to do it, or maybe to even "like" to do it. i don't want to confess to an "also-sinner". not because they're priests - they're sinless. i'd rather pray for hours. besides, i don't feel that my "evilness" is being drained from me. i feel nothing. it's just like i entered a room.. and then went out in an instant. i don't feel like a saint, i don't feel like a nun, i don't feel clean as well. sins are predestined. they are bound to happen. why confess when you're going to do it again and be "unclean" and "impure"? one cannot stay virtuous and untainted. we are flawed creatures, is that ever going to change? certainly not. hah. i may seem appallingly pointless, but i just spoke my mind. feel free to loathe me. bwahahaha. sinner.

2005-03-24T01:49:00.000-08:00

we play it the Ramones-way :D Veni performing at Claret's batch night and currently doing their soundcheck.. and i think my cable sucks. haha =)

2005-03-24T01:44:00.000-08:00

i love youuu :D nyahaha.

so i get to play "alice" now, and you, the ever-stunning mean girl? puh-leeaze.

2005-03-23T16:14:00.000-08:00

you've striked it the second time now, bitch. oh no sorry, you're not a bitch. you're a thinking bitch. this is too much for me to take. what am i? your "counseling machine"? damn, didn't realize that. you know how to show your gratitude to others but you never get to show your appreciation for all the time i've given up just to listen to you. that's a big hit. you think i'm always available to listen when in fact most of the time you merely give me my "wake-up call". yeah, call me a self-centered and attention-seeking loser now but i just thought that, hey. i'm a person too and i think it's pretty normal that i seek for your gratefulness. ooohh here comes alice being obsessed with the mean girl. forget it. you can expect me now to leave you and your fucking brilliance. your back-ups are just too many, i just couldn't fit in, you know? if truth be told, nothing could be harder than leaving you and ditching our purported "friendship" -if that's what you call it. i was stuck into this, and i thought it'd be cool if i'm going to be forever. i thought that you were for real. i thought, i thought, i thought. why did i ever think idiotically? didn't i ever think that this is just too good to be true? somehow you made me feel that i can do everything, that i can achieve everything, and that everything is within my grasp. i admit that i am thankful i heard that from you. flattery or not, you made me feel "honorable". hah. i don't abhor you, i just feel that you have not treated me the way an apt friend would treat his/her friends. i am offended. i am hurt. i am upset. well, i just can't walk out on you, can i? pardon my insolence, dear friend. your world is different from mine. you belong to a world where there's hierarchy and you show more appreciation for those who belong in it, and i belong to a world of unfussiness where too much diversion is nothing but grotesque. only, you have a slight difference from the people in your world. you think, they don't. this is your friend, signing off.

hay. i've been waiting for the right time to do that. i may not be too sure with that decision of mine, you know. i just wanted this time to be a conduit of this bursting feeling of madness and annoyance. that sentiment might change.. actually i'm pretty sure it will -in time. i was only a little hyped up. hahahaha. wooo. stretch those muscles. bring it on!!! weh.

2005-03-23T00:22:00.000-08:00

yesss. lovin' this one :D

what a dreary day.. tsss.

2005-03-22T20:38:00.000-08:00

if it wasn't for Charlie's Angels - Full Throttle and my mom's grocery works, this day would have been called an entirety of bleh. ok, so my mornings don't usually include a whole lot of excitement and adventure so it's pretty normal that my every morning is sparkled with dullness.. and maybe hunger when i don't like to eat my breakfast and i wait for the lunch instead. at past 12, i started my afternoon escapade with my guitar and when my fingers were kind of worked up already, i started to read. when i noticed that my eyes were already slacking off, i resumed my guitar playing followed shortly by a marathon of movies. so there it went. i watched this movie called Lost in Translation and i got nothing but impatience. i kept waiting for this and that to happen but hell. i was already looking at the casts and credits and nothing of what i've thought of came. damn that movie. after that, i watched Dirty Dancing - Havana Nights. at least it was ok since Diego Luna is scorching hot. the last one was Charlie's Angels. hmm. actually i didn't finish it since i kind of dozed off on the chair. nyehehe. have i already turned myself into a complete slothful bastard? so now i have to commiserate with myself? ooohh that's tough all right.

my sister and i were supposed to go to quiapo awhile ago to check out dvd's and stuff. however, she fell asleep until it was too late for us to leave the house. great. now i have to stand another night of exasperating "cheaper by the dozen" repetitions. i tell you, when my brother and sister get hooked on a single film, you have to bear the unbearable. tolerate the intolerable and endure the unendurable. nyahahaha. isn't it glorious when one overstates? it's pointless yet it's droll. tsss. a pathetic mean to amusement, that's what it is.

waaah. i still haven't chosen a review center, and i actually thought it'd be just simple and trouble-free.. but now, this is completely a niggling snag. feck.

2005-03-22T03:01:00.000-08:00

i am on the mcCready side and still possessing the gossard role. bring Claret down, Stone Gossard :D

2005-03-22T02:54:00.000-08:00

ohh yeaaah. all stressed, but still dashing. hell yeah :D (l-r) dadine, riri, kate and danica. mwahaha.

2005-03-22T02:52:00.000-08:00

bespreeens, mohn :D

2005-03-22T02:48:00.000-08:00

*DRIVE* >Dadine, RIri, VEro< see how much i love these two? i looked like i escaped from an assylum.. yet i posted this pic. sheesh.

gabba gabba hey :D

2005-03-21T14:14:00.000-08:00

brilliant. i am bored rigid because i feel like a human lard and a walking adipose tissue, yet i am thrilled to the point of bursting for i still am free. no deadlines to catch and no teacher to listen to. i can talk whenever i want to, laugh whenever i want to and sleep whenever i want to. i am mesmerized by the unison of those thoughts. weehee. this is fun. anyhow, i am still uptight because the issuance of report cards is in less than a month and i really don't want to let my parents down. i cannot decrease 4 points in trigonometry.. or i'm done with. it's not my fault that i don't listen to my teacher when she's discussing because it's definitely not my fault that she's monotonous and unexciting. haha. pretty mean is what that is. however, interest is what i got to have so i would listen. duh. i don't want to push myself to things that will cause my insanity, for banana's sake. i don't want to start my senior year or enter college having lunacy or possessing mental illness. hah. just being a little predictable.

Pacquiao lost over Morales. now that is one hell of a shit. come on you sick judges, morales was too friggin' big for our very own. yes he was a 130-pounder but he was tall and it was an unfair advantage. unfair. unfair. unfair. if i'm not mistaken, the referee was of the same nationality as morales too. hah, looking at all the possible aspects of bias huh? ehhh pinoi eh.

i went to eastwood on the night of 19th with my friends. i never thought i'd be there. it was cool. i was with my best buds riri and tasing, patsy, sasa, karen, ej, vince and moral. i arrived there pretty late so i was the last one who took the dinner. moral's treat, mohn! thanks a lot, dude. we'll surely miss you. i actually had my whole family for a chaperone. while they were taking their dinner in Twist because my father was to leave for holland the next day, i was at OJ's with my friends. you know what, i felt slightly guilty for having done that. it's like i walked out on our family dinner, but after a short while, i found some assurances that neither of my parents are mad at me (hopefully) for doing that so i lightheartedly resumed my joyous aura. the night had been great, vivacity engulfed us, mohn. nyehehe.

i already know how to read guitar tabs!! wahooo. i still need a lot of help though.. and yes, i know it's kind of late for me since i've been playing the guitar quite a long time now, but i thought it was too thorny so i kind of said before that i wouldn't need to learn them because the "chords" exist anyway. gee. i was wrong - hell of a good apprehension for me. i've been wanting to riff for so long and i have only realized now that i would not be able to riff if i don't know how to read tabs. sheesh.

i miss katarungan a lot. whoever told us that we don't have unity is one fussy creature. you're the best girls ever :D room 226, occupied by batch 2004-2005, will never ever be forgotten. grabe girls, i miss all the sigawan naaa. i love you all so much.

the starting day of a couch-potatoish life

2005-03-19T11:25:00.000-08:00

good morning good morning good morning -- though i didn't get the best sleep since i did something stupid last night.. which actually made me crawl to a doze of total nightmare. i slept at around.. 2:30 am 'cause i was waiting for my mom and dad to arrive from greenbelt where they would pick up my sister from her night-out. tsss. night-outs make me sick. i was kidding. as a kid, i definitely prefer "day-outs". haha. what an inane thing to say. anyway, as i was waiting for them to arrive, i checked out new websites, did my never-ending friendster tour and chatted on ym where i actually witnessed the nakakakilig ym marathon of sasa and dongz! haha. you both can kill me now or whatever. hayy sparkles everywhere. so when my parents have already arrived with my sister, i stayed a little more in front of the PC then finally went to bed. i wasn't really that tired and sleepy 'cause i took my afternoon nap. i never really do that but since i got exhausted from unpacking my school shits, i unknowingly dozed off on the floor.. then transferred to the bed when i realized that my back ached already. hah. so i woke up at about 9:45 am and found myself totally "in heat" 'cause ate rinne turned off the friggin' aircon even before i woke up so it kind of pissed me and told her that she should turn it on again 'cause i'm to go back to bed and sleep until 12 noon. well, she didn't do it so i was forced to eat breakfast and i still felt really groggy. after a few moments i was back on my old self again and then felt exuberance spreading over me as i remembered that i already know the chords of Durango '95 and the whole of The Ramones' Too Tough To Die album. soooo magnificent. then i also got the chords of Imago's Akap and Mayonnaise's Eddie Song. yum yum yum.

i really really want to go to eastwood later with my friendsss but i haven't even asked permission from my parents, and the rule is: ask permission at least ONE day before the gimik. not the day itself. soo bull. well, i'll just try my luck and ask permission later.. gotta eat my lunch now eyebrow :D

the inevitable target to attain integrity

2005-03-18T23:01:00.000-08:00

God justifies every action. if the action done isn't noteworthy of anything, then he does something that will make one see the wrongness of it. i have induced that thought just now. everyone is meant for decency of actions. God can condone just about anything, but i figured.. my abusiveness would be worse than taking one's life. tell me about it.

the end of my torment has finally come. it be an ill-starred one or that of a fairy tale ending.. i would never care more. being a junior is like having your whole existence inside a slaughter-house. what could be worse than that? it's actually the feeling of being gutted. gross. the piercing pain on the human flesh is lesser than the agony being experienced of a soul being forced to acquire knowledge in an almost-pointless way. to languish and sulk inside a four-cornered room with nothing to be happy about but the existence of one's friends and with nothing to get from there but the futile dressing-down of an ostensible mystic who tries hard to be understood but also falls short on his/her ordeal. poor human. slaying time. slaying efforts. rubbish shits falling everywhere -- being catched by airheads who know nothing but to glorify their superficial selves. sickening world.

a few moments ago, i was already publishing a long post, and it took me about an hour to compose it. however, God didn't like the content of it 'cause i full-forcedly picked on this poor girl who was once my friend and now the person i tremendously find insufferable. since that is the case. i found myself staring on the page of "Cannot Find Server" and when i backed it, everything that i've written was gone. whoa. was i in grief. haha kidding. maybe i was really getting too callous and that's too much for anyone to take. feck. when will i ever conceive the utmost maturity in me?

billiards. fascinating. wooooo.

the bamboozled 'me' at this hour of hilarity

2005-03-17T23:59:00.000-08:00

mwahahahaha you wouldn't believe what i just did about... uhm... 8.5 minutes ago. oh crap, this thwarting moment gives me the itch. actually it isn't really that thwarting as i have mentioned. it's in point of fact, grool. [great+cool=grool] ok guess. tantananan!! i called NU 107 and i got the chance to talk to zach!! wahoooo!! zach the man. i have always yearned for that moment. regrettably, as i was utterly wobbling, i spoiled my earth-shattering moment! shit how dim-witted of me. he asked me questions, and what's grating was that i heard the questions but gave the inappropriate answers. was i freakin' dead-brained that time... hell! so what?? i've never done that kind of thing before and it kind of struck me like a lightning bolt 'cause i was just playing with my chances. never thought that i would be the "lucky caller". tell me about it. hah! my mom and my sister even heard me 'cause they were listening in the car while on their way to greenhills to pick up my other "industrious" sister yadda yadda... what could be more absorbing than this precise hour. .? mohn that was grand! haha.

later this afternoon would be the most awaited time ever. the last afternoon of the SY 2004-2005. in spite of the hassles that i will attend to because i still have to comply with all the requirements, i, nevertheless, can't help being euphoric of the heavenly reality that when i get home that afternoon, i am free as a bird. (what a cliche. hah.) there would be nothing to worry about. it is the utmost sensation of paradise. i am all of a twitter-- all fired up for the coming months of relaxation which includes leisure, full-blast music and guitar, internet surfing and of course... teeming and swarming and brimming literature. my wayward journey to erudition. i totally have the hots for summer '05... o feck. i forgot about the review for the college entrance exams. shitskidoo. whatever. i reckon it wouldn't be that bad.. right?

the bunghole problem has been worked out. everything's fine and well. the "once-hatred" has gone its way home, and yuh, it's never to come back. wokeizzz :) Adieu!

on the verge of exploding... on the verge of dying... PRESSURE.

2005-03-14T01:35:00.000-08:00

this is awfully stupid of me. in 6 hours and 30 minutes time, i would be answering one of the most crucial part of my english grade -- the friggin' final exam. well... just realized i was in the mood of whatever it is that i'm doing now. hah. to think i haven't mastered every lesson yet and shit. here i am acting like a megalomaniaaac. kill me now. i have nothing more to say here. right now, mind-numbing thoughts cross my mind and there's nothing much better than to fully experience the coming afternoon of the 18th of March. no more pressure.... just edginess caused by the also-awaited issuance of report cards. bleakkkk. by the way... my feelings have already changed vaguely for this boneless bunghole i called last time. actually, maybe a little higher than the term "vague". it's the bunghole's personality, what can i do? i have my own imperfections too. (cool. rhyming words.) at least the bunghole's still considered a friend. yes yes. a friend. the almost-abhorrence never reached its peak of intensity. kind of good, you know.... okay okayyy now i really have to leave this chair 'cause i still have to "study" and pass the exams laterrrr. kill me now.

When the power of LOVE overcomes the love of POWER, the world will know PEACE.
Jimi Hendrix

the side-splitting concept that i've been through this... and how unlikely the height of my vulnerability is.

2005-03-11T21:25:00.000-08:00

in an eerie sense of way, i never thought that this kind of issue would haunt me back again. oooohh gross. gross but inspiring. inspiring but icky. geeez girl, your feelings overwhelm you again! so here comes the floparroo hanging out for the nth time. moments ago, i was sitting inside the avr watching the ever-so-great f.i.'s "fame". usually, i find their plays just "okay" and yuh, ordinary in an almost boring aspect. however... what i've seen awhile ago was incredibly different. gawd i gotta admit that was the best i've ever witnessed in my whole friggin' life from the f.i.'s performances. i'm complimenting the f.i., can you feel the real reason for that?? ohmaygulayyy eto nanaman ang ka-abnormalan ko. so you get it now? haha.

after so many years, i never thought that i could make a certain person cry again. i mean, i'm speaking of a different person already but whoaa! didn't know i still have the ability to make others miserable. that is soo fascinating. kidding aside, even though i felt guilty of having made her cry just because of my immature jealousy, i was pleased at the fact that i felt her closeness to me. [doi! don't even think about it!] sometimes my brain would conjure beliefs that she would just come to me for my not-so-senseless pieces of advice and then a certain thought would occur in my head that we're not really true friends. hell, was i wrong about that. hayy tasing. i consider you my bestfriend =)

while sitting inside the audio visual room i poured my heart out to my drive and thought... "drive can live without the D... but the D can't stand alone. the D calls for the RIVE." it really really does. anger is what i feel towards this boneless bunghole who loves a lot of lessons. fcuk what am i talkin' about.. grrr!! akala ko okay na, leche. you're supposed to be my friend, but to hell with you. now you're just as despicable as the girl from the Freedom section with the humongous nose. don't do this. your fingers may be better than mine, but my comprehension is not with the same altitude as yours. beat it. i don't want to hate you, but you made me do it. well, haven't reached its peak of intensity, baka magbago pa.

the prodigious fusion of my sentiments... fuh-reeeak!

2005-03-11T00:59:00.000-08:00

this very thought of my staying up so late just to write this thing is astoundingly inconceivable. gee. to think that i still have to do my reflection for the piece "A Secret For Two". damnit what do i care about a blind man riding a horse and delivering bottles of milk at Prince Edward St.? sheesh. then i also have to study for trigo 'cause we might have a quiz tomorrow...or later rather. hah! contrary to all those nauseating hassles, the exuberance that i feel at this precise moment is keeping me awake and in the drive! hhhiyeaah. Drive as always :D love you girls. hak. tsss. pray for me as i take my next step to this brain wave only located in my subconscious mind but now gearing towards reality. stroke of luck must be at hand.